Every year, men are forced to contemplate what to buy for the women in their romantic lives on Valentine’s day, hence the Valentine’s day gift dilemma.

The problem arises when guys head out to get the typical gifts that women have come to expect. What could possible go wrong, you ask? Well, when you buy the following, here are the things that could go wrong.

And if you have no Valentine yet, let Loveawake.com help you find who you’re looking for. Just don’t piss her off with one of these gifts.

Valentine’s day gift dilemma

1- Lingerie

There are myriad reasons why men shouldn’t venture into purchasing lingerie. To start, if you buy her lingerie that’s too small, she will be upset that you think she’s skinnier than she actually is.

If you buy lingerie that’s too big, she will be insulted that you think she’s that big.

And I recall a time when a boyfriend bought me lingerie that was more suited to a virgin – really colorful pajamas that no adult horny woman would ever don to seduce a man. So naturally, I was pissed.

Go too sexy, she’ll think you want a porn star; go too virginal, she’ll think you want a sub.

What to do instead: Buy yourself something sexy and wear it for her. And by sexy, I mean boxer-briefs, not an ass-less thong. And get her something that doesn’t require a specific size, like a silk 3/4 length robe.

2- Flowers

While there are plenty of women who love and even want flowers on Valentine’s day, if you walk into a flower shop and just pick up an already assembled bouquet, it sort of shows that you put zero thought into her gift.

Of course, she won’t start crying and yelling at you, but there will be that tinge of “he may as well have just given me the money” sort of reaction.

What to do instead: Put some thought into her favorite colors or flowers and put together a meaningful bouquet. And have it delivered to her at work; women love it when you shower them with affection in an understated fashion.

3- Jewelry

Another boyfriend of mine bought me this hideous necklace on Valentine’s day that looked like a bird took a crap on my neck and then the poop turned to gold. I don’t even like yellow gold.

If your girl doesn’t wear jewelry this is a waste of time because it will only end up in a box in her room anyway.

What to do instead: Rather than opt to buy her the first thing you spot in a jewelry shop window, pay some attention to what your woman wears and likes. Is it white gold, yellow gold, or silver that she likes? Does she even wear jewelry? Now’s the time to look into this information.

4- Chocolate

If your girlfriend has been complaining that her ass is fat lately and you show up with a box of Godiva chocolate, she will probably eat them and think that you are okay with all the weight gain. Are you?

Or she will get upset that you don’t pay attention and aren’t trying to help her and are so insensitive and you don’t really care about her, and yada, yada, yada…

What to do instead: Your best bet would be to buy chocolate covered fruit; it just seems healthier.

5- Making something

If you’re an adult man and opt to make your girlfriend a Valentine’s day card with a mix tape, she might think it’s cute, but will secretly be annoyed that your gift didn’t come with a little something more.

I dated a well-to-do man who once gifted me a love letter filled with quotes by romantic famous authors and, while it was a nice gesture, I was waiting for the rest of the gift. But that was it. That was all he had to give me.

My gift for him was a home made dinner followed by a Calvin Klein towel robe that he could wear at my place after we had sex and he wanted to shower. Yeah, I was disappointed.

I mean, had he written the Valentine’s day letter himself, I really would’ve appreciated it more.

What to do instead: If you want to make her something, that’s great, just make it original and let it come with a little something extra. Maybe a long-stemmed rose or something along those lines… if you’re a starving artist, that is.

6- Dinner

While dinner has become a virtual rite of passage on Valentine’s day, it often leads to overeating and therefore no sex. And sex should definitely be a rite of passage on Valentine’s day, or night, rather.

What to do instead: Make her a light home cooked meal with the focus on dessert or take her on a limo ride and have a light dinner and some champagne in the limo as you take in the sights about town.